Long Distance Relationship

Ok I believe that this is the only thing left that I can say my feelings to. LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP the first time I heard this phrase I knew it's not easy but now, I am currently in that situation.It's hard really hard especially when you know that he can be happy in so many ways it's not that I'm comparing my life to his life but It's really hard to be happy in this place. All I'm trying to do is impress him I just couldn't say it to him, It's really hard even though he keeps saying he doesn't need it. FOR ME I am still not enough I want to be perfect but I know that it's really impossible. The truth is I'm scared I'm really scared I cannot let him go and I cannot bear thinking he will love another girl, I don't want to be hurt again. I'm so scared. I really don't want to lose him. I may not say this to him frankly but that's the truth. It hurts like hell crying every night thinking when will I get used to this. I really don't want to be hurt and it's killing me now. I trust him but I know time will come he might realize that I'm not the one for him, he might leave me. NO ! I cannot take it. I'm so scared and no one can help me here. I dont have friends that are willing to listen and I know I cannot share it to my parents. I'm trapped and I wanna go out. IM SICK. I don't like this life. I never thought I will be inlove like this. I'm just so messed up. Evrything I do screws everything. IT IS JUST I'M DOING EVERYTHING SO THAT IF HE WILL LEAVE HE WILL REGRET. I DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT HIM. I was just soo SAD.

I always wanted the best for us but I always fail instead because of what I always do we fight. I just don't know why every little thing I do is not just right I'm always wrong and I hate myself for being that kind of person.